6 posts tagged “advice”
Ok.....this may seem like rudementary questions for some but as I have been out of the workforce for 4 years, I am not sure. It never hurts to ask, right?
Sooo......
I am looking into taking some computer training to fill in some blanks, upgrade my skills, and add some new skills. I have always self taught myself and am fairly proficient at a lot of basic programs including Word and Excel. I have also dibbled in lot of programs like Powerpoint and Publisher.
The problem is that I am not a real "master" at anything AND when you are applying for these jobs that pay decently, it shows a lot to have the piece of paper saying you are trained as you say......and to also have that confidence that you are trained in it all.
My background and skill set revolves around office administration(15+ years). I have mucho "soft skills" but I really need to upgrade my computer side of things to match my years of experience.
If anyone has some knowledge/advice they can pass along, that would be awesome!!! :)
First question: Basic programs
The first 3 programs I am going to upgrade myself on (to expert level) are Word, Excel, and Powerpoint.
I have been using the 2003 versions since they came out and have them on my home computer. The computer training school that I am considering has courses for both the 2003 and 2007 versions. Is there a huge difference between 2003 and 2007? Do more companies have the 2003 or the 2007 version? Should I take the 2007 course just because it's a newer version even if most companies don't have it?
Second question: Database programs
What is the most common database program that is worth learning? Every place I have worked in the past has always had a customized database so I am not sure if I should take a course or not.
Third question: Graphics and publishing
I would LOVE to take some sort of desktop publishing and/or graphics program training. I think this is an area I would like to expand, grow, and maybe even specialize in.
I don't know much about all the different programs by Adobe since they are fairly new since I have been out of the workforce. Is Publisher used much? Are there one or 2 commonly used publishing and graphics programs out there in the biz world? Detailed advice would be great if anyone knows anything.
Thanks to anyone and everyone!! :)
I thought this was really well written. Please feel free to pass on to anyone you know who is getting married or considering getting married.
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Making Marriage Last: A Guide to Preventing Divorce © 1997-2000 American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) Here's Some Good News: If you’re courageous enough to pick up this booklet, you’ve taken the first step toward making your marriage work. That you are willing to learn what is needed to make a successful marriage means that you believe in marriage as a lifelong commitment. It may strike you as odd that a group of people who make a living off of failed marriages would write a booklet about divorce avoidance. After all, if every couple stayed together until death did they part, none of us would have jobs. Unfortunately, we all know that not every marriage makes it through thick and thin and that we, as matrimonial lawyers, will always have work. We will continue to see thousands of men and women walk through our doors wanting out of a marriage. We’ll still hear every sad story. We’ll still see couples who split up because times are bad and divorce seems like the next step. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, a non-profit association of attorneys who are experts in family law, was established in 1962. During the last few decades, our 1,500 members have learned a lot about marriage and the pitfalls of divorce. The information provided in this booklet evolved from a comprehensive survey of our members on what they see as the most common factors leading to divorce. Our members know that divorce isn’t always the answer. Though some marriages should be abandoned – for reasons such as physical or sexual abuse or other intolerable situations – many “unsalvageable” unions can be saved. If you are willing to devote some time and energy to identifying and correcting the problems in your marriage, chances are, you can avoid the financially and emotionally draining process of divorce. Please treat this booklet as merely an introduction to the process of working on your marriage. In addition to the tips and information contained here, your library or local bookstore contains a wealth of information, as does the Internet. We have included a sampling of books on marriage, as well as a list of support groups and organizations aimed at helping marriages. Couples should also not be afraid to seek professional help from a trained marriage and family therapist. Churches and synagogues are also good resources for family support. It takes time and energy to strengthen a weakened marriage. But it can be done. And we hope this booklet helps. In fact, we hope we never see you again! Why Marriages Fail Not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one reason for the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, we hear some reasons more often than others. They are:
There are other causes we see a lot, but not quite as often as those listed above They Are:
Communication Poor communication is often the catalyst for all other marital problems. Unfortunately, the simple act _of saying “I do” doesn’t turn a spouse into a mind reader. _So couples must share their thoughts and feelings or they risk losing touch with what is important in their marriage. Direct communication is always best. As the old saying goes: Mean what you say, say what you mean. If you want or need something, tell your spouse. If your spouse is doing something that bothers you, tell him or her why it bothers you and what you would like your spouse to do about it. As with all communication, however, the secret is in the delivery. Never be accusatory or disrespectful. If your spouse reacts badly to something you’ve said, it’s possible that he or she did not understand what you meant. Before you overreact, take time to find out what your spouse thinks you meant, and, if necessary, explain what it is you were trying to say. Arguments are a legitimate way to communicate, but the arguments must be based on a person’s actions or words, not what one side imagines is motivating the other side. Arguments are also okay when they are fair, honest disputes about family policy or priorities. Personal attacks against your spouse are disrespectful and they get in the way of real discussion about important matters. Some communication problems may be the result of the different ways men and women tend to communicate. Each sex often expects a particular response when they say something, and some are surprised or offended when they get something else. Women often want their feelings acknowledged, while men want to fix things, to solve problems. For example, a wife who complains about her terrible day at work probably wants empathy, not a discussion about what she should have done to avoid it. Alternatively, a husband who asks his wife where she wants to go for dinner probably wants an answer, not a vague response that “anything is fine.” It is dangerous to react to your spouse with anger. Anger impairs judgment and impedes communication. When people get angry, they may be speechless, or they may cry, yell, stomp out of the room, run away, or throw things. Some may even beat their spouse or children. None of this conduct helps a marriage thrive. It does not resolve disputes; it simply intimidates the other person. Communication Do’s and Don’ts Focus on solving the problem instead of winning the argument; Listen with an open mind to make sure you understand what your spouse means instead of launching into an unnecessary argument; Explain yourself if you feel you have been misunderstood; Respect each other’s opinion, even if you can’t find an immediate solution to the problem; Spend time discussing problems and issues you each think are important; Be quick to forgive, quick to forget; Be sincere. Your words may say one thing, but your body language may convey something completely different; Don’t talk in code. Say what you mean, and say it respectfully; Don’t go to sleep before resolving a conflict; Don’t talk to your spouse in a rude, disparaging way; Don’t criticize your spouse in front of others; Don’t let anger cloud your judgment about the proper way to speak to and treat your spouse; Don’t start arguments based on things that happened long ago; Don’t assume that your spouse is personally attacking you just because he or she disagrees with you. Financial Problems No matter how rich or how poor a couple is, one of the constant subjects of marital disagreement is money. Whether it’s over how money is earned, spent or saved, money fights are common because money is a part of daily life, from paying the electric bill to saving for retirement. Attitudes toward money are learned in childhood. When spouses are raised with widely differing attitudes toward money, conflict is inevitable. The key is for couples to discuss their views on money and to decide among themselves how they will make decisions about how the family money will be controlled. It is probably not a good idea to have one spouse in complete control of all family assets. That’s not to say that a spouse with a particular skill in managing money should not use that skill, but that spouse should always discuss with the other spouse what he or she is doing. There are several ways you may decide to divvy up the responsibility. Some couples keep their earnings separate but agree in advance who will pay what bills. Some couples put every penny of their financial lives into a joint account. Financial togetherness can be as intense or as separate as the parties wish. As long as the goals and attitudes toward money are shared, the mechanics of fiscal management are less important. Managing The Marital Money Here are some ways to prevent money-management disputes from destroying a marriage:
Lack of Commitment Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, a pledge to do whatever is necessary to keep the relationship together. If couples look at matrimony as a job they can quit or an apartment they can break the lease on, their marriage is headed for trouble. Spouses have to agree that keeping the marriage healthy is their top priority. To do that, they have to commit time and energy to it. Both spouses should be as concerned with the welfare of each other as they are with themselves. Devoting time to one’s marriage can require some tough decisions, such as turning down challenging work assignments that would take away from “couple time,” spending less time with friends, leaving the office even when duty calls, etc. But it can also be as simple as having a weekly “date night.” Though unexpected events, such as death of a family member or loss of a job, happen to everyone, these events should not be used as an excuse to ignore one’s commitment to their marriage. Committed couples who deal with unexpected problems together actually strengthen their marital bonds. Do you lack commitment to your marriage? Are you a “workaholic”? Do you spend so much time at work (or at your volunteer job) that you miss important family functions? Do you rationalize the excessive time you spend at work by saying it’s “for the family”? Have you physically or emotionally abused your spouse? Are you so hung up on having control over everything that you lash out to keep your spouse in line? Do you spend hours and hours meeting strangers on the Internet? Do you complain about your spouse in anonymous chat rooms? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may lack the necessary commitment to keep your marriage afloat. These aren’t the only situations, but they are ones we see a lot. Workaholics use work as an excuse to avoid conversation and intimacy with their spouse. Abusers use threats and violence to make sure they always get what they want. Internet junkies shut their spouses out by talking to strangers about marital problems. If you notice yourself in these scenarios, it’s time to recommit yourself to your marriage. Changes in Priorities The most common change in priorities comes during a “mid-life crisis." Fearing the transition into older age or more responsibility (such as having children), many people push aside all that they have valued in exchange for something new, exciting or completely opposite. But there are other reasons for changed priorities: children going to college, which can often prompt stay-at-home moms to re-evaluate their lives in their children’s absence; a deteriorating sex life; major health problem; the completion of a longtime goal; or death of a parent or child. Any of these things can make a person feel the need to break away from their “routine” as a way to get back what they feel they have lost. Once again, the key is communication. Couples need to discuss their priorities and their expectations, and what they hope to achieve in the future. And they should do this not just on their honeymoon, but throughout their marriage. Even if they don’t always agree on the specifics of the new priorities, an open line of communication will facilitate a resolution as well as prevent unpleasant surprises. Infidelity The sad fact is that that some people will risk their entire marriage for the sake of an extramarital affair. But infidelity is rarely the only reason a couple breaks up. Usually, a couple has a host of other problems and infidelity is simply “the last straw.” The expectations and priorities of a spouse who commits the adultery may have shifted, as discussed above. A cheating spouse may find comfort in the arms of someone else when the other spouse has stopped communicating. Neither scenario is an excuse, but spouses who have extramarital affairs pick an inappropriate way to fulfill a need that’s not being met at home. The spouse who is betrayed may feel humiliated. Children sense these feelings and may worry that the unfaithful parent will someday betray or abandon them in the same way. In addition to the emotional toll on the family, extramarital affairs also present health risks, such as AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases that can cause infertility or death to an unsuspecting spouse. Not all couples split up after infidelity. Some may be able, after a great deal of time and effort, to repair the broken bonds. If staying together is an option, a marriage counselor will be of enormous help in making the transition. The Journey to Happiness It has been said that most of life’s happiness, and most of its misery, emanate from one’s marriage. Spouses in a happy marriage are more productive on the job, are physically healthier and experience less emotional stress than their unhappily married counterparts. They also raise happier, healthier, more confident children who themselves go on to have happy marriages. With so much riding on it, it makes sense for couples to make their marriage their number one priority. We hope that the information provided here helps couples begin the journey to their own happiness. Improving Your Marriage Treat your spouse like your best friend or most important colleague. Don’t expect to get more from your spouse than you give of yourself. Don’t lose your sense of humor;have fun with your spouse. Don’t demean your spouse in public or in private. Learn to listen, learn to hear. Learn to argue respectfully. Look for resolution rather than victory. Assess your own mistakes and acknowledge them. When you apologize, mean it, and sound like it. Be short on blame and long on forgiveness. Be willing to change your opinions and attitudes. Look at changes in your life as an opportunity to grow. Don’t try to change your spouse; accept your spouse “as is.” |
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Questions or comments to Stephen J. Harhai, Editor |
Don't compare yourself to others.
Instead, focus on
where you've been versus
where you are now versus
where you want to be.
Part 1: Some things I have learned so far....
Part 2: Marriage
Your thoughts about marriage on your first day of marriage vs on your 10th anniversary…are VERY different! I am sure the view will be different after 20 and 30 years, too!
Nothing prepares you for marriage.
The only way to learn about marriage is to be married.
In marriage, 2 halves do not make a whole…..only 2 whole people can make a whole relationship.
Be wary about listening to and/or taking advice from single-never-been-married people with respect to marriage relationships…….nothing against them but they just have no experience and are in for a world of surprise! As with most things, the best people to watch and learn from are people who have the fruit on the tree…and in this case those who are married, happily, for longer than you!
Be careful about what marriage advice you take from divorced-and-single people. They may be good people and well meaning and have some good warnings and/or tips….but their experience is not in how to have a great long term relationship. Its no offense to them...but don’t let their bitterness, if they are bitter, poison your well.
Marriage is a 50-50 enterprise but its not divided 50-50 at every given moment.
Spite has no place in a long term relationship.
A long term relationship is an evolution of 2 people and how they relate to each other.
Nothing hurts a relationship more than ambivalence.
Do not compare your spouse to someone else’s spouse. Chances are strong that you are comparing your spouse’s worst to the best that you see in the other person.
Do not compare your relationship to someone else’s relationship. The grass always seems greener on one side of the fence….sometimes its your side, sometimes its their side.
Don’t judge someone else’s relationship just because you don’t understand. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. They may seem like an unlikely duo, but you just never know what makes it tick for them.
Only you can make yourself happy. This isn’t your spouse’s job.
Withholding love and affection from your spouse because you aren’t getting what you want or to show them up…..never works…for anybody. It’s a true lose-lose situation.
Regardless of how you feel, disrespecting and/or putting down your spouse in front of other people is wrong, wrong, wrong.
I must trust my spouse around other people...even if they are attracted to him, it should not matter as its his trustworthiness that is most important....not theirs. I should not be surprised others find him attractive. As he has never given me anything to worry about or distrust him, I should not worry or be threatened. Its affirming and respectful to him to know that I trust him.
Jealousy is a sign of a low self image mixed with fear.
I should always treat my spouse as number 1 to anyone else here on earth.
Not everything has to do with me.
Thanking and giving gratitude to my spouse, on a daily basis, for even the smallest of things, is very important.
I cannot fix/change my spouse nor am I responsible for fixing/changing my spouse.
The only person I have the power to change is myself.
I am not my spouse’s mother….nor do I want to be….so I shouldn’t act like I am. Its hard to be his mother and lover at the same time.
My spouse needs MY moral support more than anyone else’s.
Marriage and a long term relationship is hard work.
When I first got married, I thought I knew a lot about marriage but I really knew very little. After being married over 10 years, I feel like I have so much to learn but I really know so much.
Most people put more planning into their wedding day than into their marriage. Marriage is not a destination, it’s a journey. Forgetting that is like blowing all your time and money on the farewell party and then overlooking packing for the trip. Everyone dreams of their wedding day....but shouldn't you also dream of your 50th anniversary, too?
Love means saying you are sorry.
If you are feeling that you are not getting what you need from your spouse…..ask yourself if you are giving them what they need. They may be feeling the same way….in reverse.
If you aren’t being the bigger person…..then you are automatically being the smaller person.
Not all battles are worth fighting. Being right, at the top of your lungs, isn’t always right.
Communication, patience, trust, and understanding……are required regularly in heavy doses.
Sometimes the best thing to say is….nothing.
Spousal hugs are important….and should be administered multiple times daily.
Spousal snuggles times are important….and should be regular occurrences.
Laughing with your spouse on a regular basis…is a large part of what makes a marriage keep ticking.
Saying “I love you” never gets old and should be said regularly….everyday…..every conversation….you never know when it will be the last time.
I was inspired by Patricia's post to write a couple of "letters" to my younger self.
This is the first which is to me at age 13.
21 Things I would loved to have told my 13 year old self
1) Stop worrying so much about trying to impress people you don’t like. Being popular and/or pretty/handsome, does not always equal a nice person. Nor does it mean they have it all together. Plus we are all a little dorky during our teen-age years so don't feel so self conscious. You may not believe it, but some of those popular, pretty people feel just as dorky as you, despite being blessed gene-wise! And a lot of the dorky people in high school will grow up to be pretty cool people later on.
2) Be better about staying in touch with your friends, even if you don’t go to the same schools anymore or you move apart. You never realize how much you appreciate someone until they are gone and out of your life.
3) Be adamant about getting eye-glasses, sooner rather than later, despite what the quack eye doctor said. Not being able to see the black board for 3 years is not a “cry for attention” but actually an inability to see and a real need for eye-glasses. You will fall further behind in school if this is not remedied.
4) Don’t be so shy. See #18.
5) Get yourself checked out for dyscalculia and dyslexia. Despite what keeps getting yelled at you, you are not stupid nor do not have a massive mental block when it comes to algebra, english grammar, and french grammar. You just learn different and the sooner you figure this out, the better for your education and most importantly, your self image and self worth.
6) Don’t listen to anyone who is not positive, uplifting, or encouraging. Negative people only feed the wolf (#18) and cheapen your self worth. Iron sharpens iron. You deserve better.
7) Embrace developing disciplined work habits. While not much fun or appreciated now, it will serve you well later in life. And now is the best time to learn and develop this. In fact, this habit has the power to make or break you, throughout your lifetime. Don’t let regret hit you in hindsight.
8) Don’t be so jealous of and/or intimidated by all the rich girls you go to school with now. Their money, clothes, and Louis Vuitton bags make them better dressed than you, but it does not make them better people than you. See #1 and #6. Learn to see beyond the cover of the book.
9) Pay better attention when mom is teaching you to sew and knit. You will appreciate these later on in life. Plus she won’t be around forever. See #7.
10) Practice the piano more. See #7 and #15. Time is plentiful now but it won’t be later. Regret weighs tons.
11) Don’t worry so much about just having guy friends rather than boyfriends. Boys have as much growing up to do as you. The best boyfriends will be the ones you can be friends with. See #1.
12) Get a calendar and pay better attention to getting your assignments done on time. See #7 and #15. Guilt only adds weight to your shoulders.
13) The best way to make connections and make friends is to be interested in other people. See #4 and #16. People don’t care about how much your know until they know how much you care.
14) Its ok to have oily skin. Its not just a teenage thing for you so learn how to take better care of it. Be thankful you have oilier skin because it will keep you looking younger longer! Invest in some better skin care products. Ignore mom and sis on this. See #7.
15) Stop procrastinating or it will become a lifelong habit. See #7.
16) Just because mom is tactless and judgemental, does not mean that you have to be. Start reading books now that will help you learn to escape this legacy sooner rather than later.
17) When the time comes, go learn from a professional about applying cosmetics….just go do it….sooner rather than later.
18) Have more faith in yourself and stop being so afraid to step out. Fear is like a wolf….the more you feed it, the more ferocious it will be.
19) Stop laughing at mom and start learning all those dance steps. She won’t be around forever.
20) Start working out and exercising, in some form, even if just lightly. Yes, you many have the coordination of an elephant in a yoga class, but you have to start somewhere. Your metabolism won’t be fast forever. Despite what you may think, you are not fat now….but without this habit, you will eventually have trouble in this area. Your long term health is too important to overlook this. See #7 and #18.
21) Stop yearning so much for the future “what ifs” and spend time in the present, appreciating what and who is right in front of you. Each moment is precious because it will not come again.
Ok…I just want to start off that I had written a fabulous piece this morning…..had it almost finished…..and Microsoft Explorer RIPPED THE *$%^&# CARPET OUT FROM UNDER ME! (yet again!...::shakes fist::) …pant…pant…..(wipes foam from mouth….)
So this is me, for what its worth, now regrouping and trying to recreate what I lost earlier.
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This post in the spirit of Lostdwarf, who started it all.....Free Advice Friday. And has been taken on by clippedwings, Natalie, Kristine, GOC, Kelly, and I am sure many others…..and now me…..because…well.... we all want to be like Lostdwarf :-) (she is just too cool for words!)
And since I am feeling so giving today (lol), I am opening up the foxsydee HQ archives for some good things to share. :-)
........and if you don’t like my advice, then please take it for what it is…..free! And make sure to check out the posts from the ladies above because they all wrote some very awesome stuff!! :-)
1. Ladies – For those of you who run, jog, and/or exercise, please hear me (and the very sage Lostdwarf) on this one……please…please, I beg you…...for the love of god and all that is good.......please invest in a good sports bra.
While you may want/need to exercise, your “girls” do not. In fact, they would rather not be bobbing up and down and in your face and around your ears. They really quite dislike it, in fact.
The purpose of a sports bra is not to look cool or be a sports top instead of a tshirt….its a practical garment that is supposed to hold your “girls” nice, firm, and secure. Since they can’t speak, I am going to speak for the defense-less here. They want to be held safely and securely. The fit of a proper sports bra will be firm and your “girls” will seem squooshed in. That is normal, ladies. The purpose is to be as secure, from a lot of movement, as possible. This requires them to be kept as close to your body as possible. And I know that if you have been blessed with abundance in this area, this isn’t always easy to do, but there are extra steps you can take. An old BFF of mine was a DD cup (F when she was preggers) and she used to wear 2 sports bras at once to keep things secure. Sometimes she actually bound up the “girls” against her with athletic tape or tensor bandage under her sports bra. She wanted to protect her “girls” from harm. And, in extreme cases, yes, it really can be harmful to you to have so much bobbing up and down.
And…..I mean, really…..doesn’t it hurt?....all that bobbing around?... Or am I the only one?
And….Do I have to mention the possibility of premature sagging? Don’t make me go there. Its not a pretty place to go……
And…..Please note that this advice if for all women, regardless of the size of your “girls”, because small “girls” bounce too….and quite honestly can be even more disturbing than seeing someone larger bounce around…..its really all too much to bear witness to……waaay too much…..
(* and if you really feel the need to get some action for your “girls”….then at least make it enjoyable…..have some nice rompy sex!!)
2. Men – I got two words for you: “prostate cancer”….and here are two more: “saw palmetto”
Not following? Prostate cancer endangers your “jewels”. Saw palmetto helps prevent prostate cancer.
Saw palmetto = "jewel" guard
The vote is in – saw palmetto is now widely recognized to aid in the prevention of prostate cancer. Doctors are now being encouraged to talk their male patients about saw palmetto.
Check it out. Talk to your doctor. Do your research. The Urological Research Foundation has done many extensive studies. If you are over 25, start looking into this now...why wait! Or are your "jewels" unimportant to you?
(* please note that not all saw palmetto supplements are created equal so talk to your doctor and do your research before taking anything.)
3. Skin care – I know that Lostdwarf has touched on this before, but I really wanted to get in people’s faces again about this. (I am involved with the beauty industry and am a tad passionate about this subject. )
Regardless of age or GENDER (yes men, you have skin too! Surprise!), we are all only given one skin for our lifetime and so we must take care of it. Most people will be surprised to learn that your chronological age does not always match the “real” age of your skin. Alcohol, smoking, poor diet, chronic dehydration, and lots of sun are some of the factors that can prematurely age your skin. And drinking water, eating a diet rich in antioxidants, using good skin care products daily, using spf daily, and getting enough sleep are some of the factors that can help your skin stay young and supple…and sometimes reverse the sign of aging. You might be surprise or shocked at the “real” age of your skin…..
There is just too much that I can write about skin care – information, tips, advice, debunking myths – that I think I am going to take a day, sometime soon, and devote a whole post to this subject.( and get in your beautiful faces again!)
4. Learn to replenish your spirit
Ever felt like so drained, emotionally and mentally, that you just couldn’t function?
Ever felt so touchy and grumpy about everything and everyone…and couldn’t figure out why?
Ever been around someone who just sucked the life out of you?
Ever felt like you just had nothing left to give? (add 200 points if you felt guilty about it, too)
These are all classic signs of the need for replenishment.
What does that mean? Your spirit is like an emotional bank account. There are things and people in your life who make withdrawals from this account. Every time you give, a withdrawal is made. If you do not keep this account in the black…..you will start bouncing cheques. You cannot give out what you do not have.
Depletion from our spirit account is normal. We give a lot to other people – children, spouses, employers, employees, family. And just because we give does not mean we receive some, or any, back. This is the nature of giving – it’s a naturally depleting action. We are giving away something. And just the stress of normal things in our lives causes depletion. Stress is hugely depleting. Got negatively emotional about something? That also takes chunks out of your account.
What this means is that we all need to find a way to put back in to and replenish our own spirit accounts. The optimal situation is that we never let it hit empty before we do anything to replenish it.
How do I replenish my spirit? Well, to be totally honest, the answer to this question, its totally subjective. Its not the same for everyone. Each person is different and must figure out what is replenishing for them. It could be an activity, hobby, a place, a person…..anything!
A note about people in general: People in your life will fall into 3 categories: depleting, replenishing, and neutral. Depleting people are those whom you give to and receive little or nothing in return. In some cases, like children and employees, its natural that they are depleting because you are in a leadership/serving role with them. But, in other cases, there are just some people who just take take take and really drain you by just being around them. Replenishing people are those who lift your spirit and you leave them feeling better than when you arrived. That is because they gave something to your spirit account. And neutral people do not deplete nor do they replenish.
So think about the people in your life. There will be some people you can easily categorize. Others, it may depend on the situation. Remember that none of this makes anyone bad or good. Its just powerful information to know so you can handle yourself accordingly.
A note about children: Children are lovely little beings (in my opinion). But, and this is coming from many many people I know who are parents, while they have a hold on your heart, your role in their life, especially when they are young, is to GIVE to them. That is why, after a day spent with them, you may feel much love and very blessed, your spirit is touched but your account is not filled. This is nothing to feel guilty about. As I said before, when you are in a giving role, it’s a given that you will be depleted.
Most often replenishment comes from something you can immerse yourself in and “switch” off for a time being. Sometimes it comes from a vigorous activity or just getting away from everything briefly or not so briefly. The ROT is that you return to life, after it, whatever it is, with a replenished spirit....feeling refreshed and revived.
My husband likes to go rock climbing or hiking to get replenished. Sometimes he likes some quiet alone time…reading or napping. Sometimes he just wants some alone time with me….curled up on the couch watching a movie…or out on a fun date night. Sometimes he gets a quick fix with a 5 minute hug.
My dad has always gotten replenishment by working in his garden. For my FIL, its his being in his woodshop. I also know that some people get some replenishment from the instant gratification fix of cleaning something.
For me, I vary. Sometimes its being alone and reading…or napping……putting on music really loud and dancing. Sometimes is a hot bath. Sometimes its being creative…like baking, cooking, drawing, painting, writing, making jewelry. Sometimes its slow walks with my hubby. Sometimes its spending a casual evening with certain replenishing friends and sitting around talking, playing/jamming on the guitar and singing…and laughing…I love to laugh! And I wilt like a flower if I don’t get enough hugs and snuggles from my honey.
The bottom line here is that it all comes down to taking some time for YOU!
But I don’t have time! Everyone has the same 24 hours a day yet some people seem to fit more in than others. Life is busy…we will fill it up with something. Its just that some people are much better at planning and prioritizing their life and time. Please do not mis-hear me on this….. I am not saying or downplaying that your life is crazy. What I am saying is that a lot of people practice lousy time management….and even worse…lousy priority management. Are you a fan of any singer, band, or sports star? If they came into town and wanted to have lunch with you……would you rearrange things to make it happen? Most likely you would place a high priority on it and rearrange things accordingly. If that is so, then why does some celebrity place higher in your own life than you do?
But I am needed by so many people? This is playing the "martyr" card. Understand that the people who need you – kids, spouse, employees. etc. – they need and deserve you to be in top form and on your best game. You cannot give what you do not have. A car cannot continue to run on empty. Replenishment makes you better for youself and for all those people who need you.
(*wow! in restrospect here.... I shoud have done replenishment as a separate post...oh well! lol! all good!)
5. And lastly, to wrap up today, I want to bring up a subject that has bugged me for years and I feel its time to really get this of my chest.
Garter belts and stockings (in the UK, these are suspenders)
Garter belts and stockings are great because they are both sexy and practical.
While you can’t wear them under everything, like slinky stuff and short hemlines, they do post some great practical benefits. One is that you don’t have the torture of stuffing yourself into a giant sausage casing. Two, is that if you get a run (ladder) in one stocking leg, you can just replace the one stocking leg. The other is that they can be much cooler, temperature wise, to wear than the giant sausage casing since there is no built in panty.
And as far as being sexy…..men love ‘em. In fact, many men have fantasies about them. And quite honestly, they feel sexy to wear, too!
But the huge issue with garter belts and stockings is whether to wear your panties over the garter belt or under the garter belt. It does look sexier to wear your panties under the garter belt but its much more practical to wear your panties over your garter belt. If you wear your panties under your garter belt, you make yourself unable to pull down your panties to go to the bathroom. You would have to undo your stockings which is really really inconvenient…as you know if you have worn stockings before!
So, if you are wearing a garter belt and stockings for practical purposes, then its best to forgo a little bit of vanity and wear your panties over top of the garter belt.
But, if you are putting on stockings and garters for a little sexy romp….you have 2 choices. If the stockings and garters are coming all off….and fairly quickly….then yes, go with wearing the panties under the garter belt. Be a sexy siren! However, it can also be very sexy to wear stockings and garters during sex….in which case, choose a nice sexy thong and wear it over your garter belt….so it can be taken off, and tossed away, without taking off the garter belt. (what would you do without these handy tips?!! Lol!)
And lastly….take it from me…..never try to change your stockings (while wearing a garter belt) when you are drunk. Its not a happy or pretty scene, especially when you try to do it in a car, by yourself. Or worse, beside the car, in a dark parking lot trying to be discreet and not be noticed. You can very easily break your garter clips and then you are stuck because you can’t put your stockings on. Its very upsetting. So, if you are going to drink to excess, like your birthday out with the girls, its best to wear pants…..or if you need stockings….the stay-ups work well.
Trust me…..