As some of you know, I recently bought new perfume after wearing the same scent for over 15 years. It's an interesting process trying to get used to a new scent. I keep feeling like I am wearing someone else's clothes....and I can still smell their scent lingering. It doesn't feel like me yet.
My old scent always made me feel a certain way. I felt confident in my old scent - I got lots of compliments....it felt part of my image....part of me and how I saw myself. My scent was intertwined with how I viewed myself.....what I felt my "image" was.
I am still trying to put a finger on how this new scent makes me feel.....and what imagery it brings to my mind. It's lovely, of course, otherwise I would not have chosen it, but it still seems foreign.....different......a bit out of place.
All this reminds me of about 4 years ago, or so, when I was contemplating buying a new purse for spring. I was seriously in love with this bright, turquoise-blue, croc-print purse from Nine West. It was such a lovely blue, a great style purse, and as much as I looked at other purses, this one was the one that stood out for me.....but I was hesitant. I could afford it, so that wasn't an issue. The issue was that I wasn't sure if the purse was "me" and I didn't want to waste money on something that was only going to sit and look pretty in my closet.
Sure, it was one thing to appreciate the beauty or style of something, but that doesn't mean that it will look good on you or fit with your style. This may surprise some people, considering my love of purses and shoes, but, up until this point, I had always only owned and worn black purses and occasionally a white one, if I found one that I liked, which wasn't often. I had actually been looking for a white or creme coloured purse when I saw this blue one. And the thought of a beautiful, bright, turquoise blue purse was simply titillating.......but such a daring leap for someone who had never owned a coloured purse before.
I didn't buy the blue croc purse that day. I went home, without making a purchase, and carefully considered my feelings about the blue purse. I really wanted it and so I thought long and hard about my "is it me" reaction to it.
It would be so easy if we could all be like we were when we were children. Young children are not self conscious and are comfortable in their own skin. They aren't tainted like adults. If you are in the mood, then wear it, is their motto. Pink leggings, yellow duck boots, purple dress and a ski helmet to go to the store....sure, no problem. A puffy vest, bike helmet, green striped dress, and sunglasses for storytime....why not. They don't turn down something because it doesn't fit their image. They don't look in the mirror and ask "is this me?" They say "no like" or "no want".....and go in favour of what catches their fancy that minute, that day, that week. They delight in creating their own style....in whatever image they want. Nothing is quite as interesting, or as amusing, as in watching a young child, especially girls, put together an outift when they first learn to dress themselves......and the combinations change daily. But we lose that as adults when we develop self-consciousness about how we show up to the rest of the world. We measure ourselves up to other people, and to an ideal, in an effort to fit in yet stand out,....and often, in our mind, we come up short.....and we feel lesser for it.
And when it came down to brutal self honesty, my conflicted feelings about the purse were that I was thinking it was too cool and too glam for me. In my mind, only the beautiful people could carry off a purse like this.....and in my mind, I was definitely not one of those people. When I realized that I felt that, I felt a sudden rush of resentment for the division of cool people vs not cool people as if I was banging on the barrier that separates the 2 from each other. I felt pigeon-holed, labelled, boxed up. For a couple of days I stewed over this....when suddenly I had a moment of clarity:
Instead of asking myself "Is this me?" I should be asking myself "Why can't this be me?"
In my moment of clarity, I realized that the only person pigeon-holing, labelling, and boxing me in.....was me. I was the culprit. I had defined myself with my low self image....and then I resented it. I felt buoyed by my new sense of clarity....lighter, more confident.....taller.
The next day, I went and purchased the blue croc-print purse. I still had fleeting, nervous feelings as I did....wondering if I was just being inpetuous in a moment of boldness and if I was going to be filled with buyer's remorse later. I stuffed those negative feelings down and switched all my stuff into my new purse with excitment.
The first day that I carried the new purse, I was excited. I felt bright and pretty......but part of me still wondered if people would see me, silently shake their heads and say to themselves....."such a wannabe". But then I started getting compliments on the bag and how awesome it looked on me. After a while, I started feeling more comfortable seeing it on my arm....and with my outfits. I shook my head at myself, wondering why I ever hesitated buying the bag. It became my main bag and it's joy went everywhere with me.
My boldness with the bag started to influence me when I was making other decisions. I would look at the bag and it would remind me to be bolder and not to let myself limit myself.
Now the subject of purses and perfume might seem shallow to some of you, but the point of clarity isn't, nor is the all around point......and it isn't just about purses, perfume, and clothes. I only used those for an example. How many times do we label ourselves....box ourselves in.....let our low self image dictate? We all rant about how we hate labels.....so why do we silently, unconsciously torment ourselves with self imposed labels and limitations?
How many times have you been told to "think outside the box"? I have heard and been told that far too many times. And I have often joked about smashing the box....or burning the box down.....or leaving the box behind and out of view. But quite honestly, the box is an Illusion.
The box does not exist.
The box does not exist any more than Les Nessman's walls did.
Les Nessman pretended that he had walls and a door to his "office". He marked the floor with masking tape to deliniate where those walls and door were. He and his co-workers all acted as if those walls existed. Les would even sometimes pretend to lock the door.....and Andy even once pretended to try and pick the lock with a credit card!
Of course, Les's antics were funny.......but he took those "walls" seriously and that reminds me of how seriously we all take our own self-imposed walls. But our walls aren't as funny. And the longer that we allow ourselves to be convinced that our walls (to the box) exist, the longer we unhappily beat our heads against them. Not only that, because we act like the walls exist, so do the people around us...just as Les Nessman's co-workers did.
We teach others how to treat us...good and bad.
Les's co-workers went along with him....but most of them thought he was more than a little nuts. How many of our friends think the same way about us living in our self imposed boxes and labels? I know my husband thinks I am more than a little nuts sometimes when I verbalize my self image.....because he disagrees and thinks I am better than I think I am....but he won't argue with me about it.
It all starts with how we treat ourselves.....and if we walk around with Les's masking tape or toss it in the river.
And when I think about getting used to my perfume, just like I did my purse, and how it defines me........I think of some lines from a scene in the movie, Hitch, where Alex Hitchins (Hitch, played by Will Smith) is helping a client dress better.
client: I don't think these shoes are really me.
Hitch: You...is a fluid concept right now. YOU bought these shoes.....and YOU look great in these shoes.
Hmmmmm.......
I bought the perfume....
and I smell great in the perfume.
I guess I am a fluid concept.
:) Maybe I will wear some purple tomorrow.....or who knows.....its not defined and doesn't have to be!! :)
Some of you, who are my neighbours, may have gotten a Group invite from me yesterday for a new Vox Group that I created: The Vox Fitness Challenge.
Inspiration:
I was inspired by Marie's post about how her hubby has started a 12 week fitness challenge at work and how she has jumped on the bandwagon....and plans on kicking her hubby's ass!
I have done 12 week fitness sprints before and since I have been procrastinating about getting my ass back in shape, this seemed like a really good idea to make a commitment to. And since I thought it was a good idea, I wondered how many other people would think it was a good idea, too,.........which from all the comments that Marie received, I knew there would be some in the same boat as me.
Doing something about getting in shape:
Getting in shape is something that takes slow and steady effort. It requires change and creating/maintaining some good habits. Motivation and staying on track is hard for most people as it is.....but even harder for a lot of people because they go the route alone. Statistics show that the people who work out with other people or have a workout/training buddy will stay more regular with their program than those who go it alone. It helps to have someone else to be accountable to other than yourself.
I know if its just me, I can fluff certain things off if I don't feel like it....but if I am accountable to report into someone else, I am more motivated not to look like a lame-ass during those time of weakness. Plus, its more fun to have "partners-in-crime" to be able to share with and encourage/support each other. Its important to have people to pull you up during the low times and people to hi-five during the high times. Its encouraging to know that your partner(s) are going through a lot of the same challenges you are. It really helps to know you aren't suffering alone.
Why a 12 week challenge?
It takes 22 days to create habit and usually takes 3-4 months for a regular fitness program to show some real results. A 12 week commitment is usually what you see for a lot of boot camps and programs you see in a lot of books.
I have done Oprah's boot camp, which is 12 weeks long, and you can get amazing results from that.....but it was not easy to maintain. Boot camps are great but can be a bit extreme for some....and require a big time commitment. A program is only as good as long as you are doing it and able to keep it up. This is why the how part of the challenge is totally up to you. I will be sharing different things from my knowledge and experience base....as I know will others, so if you need any ideas or advice, I know that there will be a lot of people there to share and help. And if we need more help/advice than that, I know more trainers than I can shake a stick at....and my hubby has a degree in kinesciology.
The challenge:
The challenge is totally voluntary and only if you really want to. I know its not for everyone and that is ok. I set it up for me and for anyone else who is up for such a thing. I already have a few neighbours who have signed up and also a couple of non-neighbours PM'ing to join.
If you want to join and you didn't get an invite, please PM me or comment on this...and I will send you one. I want to create a close, safe, non-judgemental environment for everyone on the challenge to share...so the Group will be going private as of February 4th, which is the start day of the challenge.
Non-judgemental:
We are all in different states of shapes, weights, and fitness levels. I don't think it matters where someone is coming from...it matters that you have a destination in mind..in view....and you are moving there. Slow and steady is the best. As long as you are moving, you will get there eventually...and that is the point.
Long term health and wellness should always be the long term vision.....and getting in shape helps that vision.
"But, I am really squeamish about sharing stats":
Yes, I am, too! But as I said in the Group description, you only have to report in, to the Group, a minimum of ONE stat at the start and then again at the end. It can be weight, measurements, clothing size, or % fat.
The reason I asked for stats is that this really creates an attitude that "I am serious about this" and a close environment/relationship with everyone in the Group. Some people like to share and some people don't......but when we all share, we are all on equal footing with each other and all feel together on this.
I know that some people will not join just because of this stipulation....and that is ok! No one will think less of you. Joining the challenge is a personal decision that you have to feel confident about....and only you can make that decision.
I want people in this Group who have the attitude of: enough is enough....let's kick some ass!!! :p
What's your favorite hangover cure?
Submitted by Soup.
Well, the best hangover cure is not to drink alcohol in the first place!!!
I don't really drink much or very often...but when I do, I do need to take certain measures because even one drink, with me being such a lightweight, can cause me a slight hangover, even if I am not feeling drunk.
I cannot drink beer or wine....and never have been able to. I am not sure why this is but both, beer and wine, have always caused me terrible stomache-aches even with just a couple of sips. More than a couple of sips and its not long before I am forced into praying to the porcelain gods.
As I cannot stomach beer or wine, I have always drunk hard liquor, cider, or liqueres (sp?) which have never given me issue unless I over do it!
Most apple cider sucks, in my opinion, but my favourite is either pear or most especially, ruby red grapefruit. (if you aren't from B.C., you probably have no idea what I am talking about!) I will only drink apple cider in the UK where its different from anywhere else, each region has their own speciality, and it comes in draft. UK cider is the ultimate in smooth!
For hard liquor, I have always been a big fan of fruity cocktails. Margaritas and bellinis....mmmmmm...yummy! And these days, I am rather partial to chocolate martinis.
In my younger, single, and go-out-dancing-all-night days, my drink of choice was always rye with ginger ale with a twist of lime......if I drank alcohol at all. For some reason, I could never get drunk on that drink if I was dancing all night. Other drinks would get me drunk and loopy, even if I was dancing.....so if I was choosing to drink, I chose rye with ginger. (I loved to dance and I liked being clear headed when I was dancing...not stumbling around and falling down) A lot of nights I just drank water with lemon.
And don't even get me started on shooters.....LOL! :p There are stories locked in the vault on that subject....LOL!
The reason I list all that out is that hangovers often depend on what you drink, how much your drink, if you mix, and your tolerance level.
I forgot to mention mixing alcohol. The rule is simple......DON'T DO IT!!!!!
Anyhoo.....
One of the best rules for avoiding a hangover is the drink at least one glass of water in between each alcoholic drink....and/or to drink at least 1 litre of water before you go to bed that night. Alcohol is dehydrating and the dehydration is a large part of what contributes to your hangover. Water also flushes the toxins out of your body quicker. The more water you can drink, before you go to bed, the better.
I also take some B and C vitamins, along with my water, right before I go to bed. C vitamins are antioxidents which help control all the free radicals brought into your bloodstream by the alcohol. I can't remember what B vitamins do, but I think its that they help speed up your metabolism so your body can work on metabolising the alcohol faster and better. Taking both works quite well!
And I also add in a dandilion supplement designed for cleansing the liver. I have them as part of my regular routine as they help in overall health.....but its nice to add in some extra liver cleansing for when you are adding extra work for your liver!!
I don’t know what is in the air lately…or in the water. There seems to be a heightened sense of tension with so many people……and I am seeing weathered nerves snapping like gum in the mouth of a truck-stop waitress.
Nawal posted one of my favourite quotes the other day:
“Be kinder than necessary…..for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”
These words seem so true these days…..which means we all need to remember to be kinder, gentler…..more forgiving in our nature……and to those souls around us who may be fighting some very tough battles right now….of which I know of many.
What we all do not need……is to battle each other.
We all have opinions and thoughts…..but must we share them whenever we feel like it….especially the negative ones? A lot of people do not consciously recognize that not all situations are about them or need their input or their snark.
Sometimes the best thing to say…is nothing.
In blogsphere, however, its hard for people to not say anything.
In blogsphere, its easy to post what you feel on your own blog for the whole world to see….but we must not forget that what is made for the public to see….is also there for the public to weigh in on and comment on. Express controversial opinions/subjects and you cannot be surprised when you attract controversial commenting.
In blogsphere, its easy to pack up your opinions, from your own blog, and take them on the road with you as you travel to other’s blogs. But just as your blog is your personal forum/space…..other people’s blogs are their personal forum/space. A blog is a private yet public place. Just because you have an opinion, does not mean you need to express it on everyone else’s blogs. That’s kind of like going for a walk and shitting on each lawn of every house you pass. Some people welcome the fertilizer....others see it as only shit.
Do we make each place better for having being there?
Do we have to like what we read on other people’s blogs? No, but we have a choice to read or not to read.
Do people have to like what I post on my blog or what you post on your blog? No, but they have a choice to read or not to read.
The real choice is to read or not to read.
I think there is a misconception that all public posts are public fodder. Technically, this is correct……however, we are not robots or machines. We are all humans who feel and are more than just words printed on a computer screen.....we have cognitive functioning that allows us to think, discern, and consider things before we act.
Before you zing…….
Before you bring the rain……
Before you blast……
Before you condemn……
Before you tear down…….
Before you correct…….
Before you judge…….
Before you react to someone else's words......
....and before you weigh in on someone else.....weigh in on yourself:
Am I considering the person behind the words? Will they appreciate and welcome what I have to say?
Am I reacting on assumptions? Do I know the whole story? Am I just reacting?
Am I creating unnecessary and/or unwelcome drama?
Should I tread carefully here? Crazy is as crazy does.
Will I offend this person and/or get my ass handed back to me for saying something?
Am I carefully considering my words? Am I behaving maturely?
Are my comments adding something positive?
Am I being respectful of someone else’s space and their right to free speech...even if I think they are dead wrong?
Should I say anything at all?
Should I just move on?
What are 10 things you've done that other people probably haven't?
Submitted by Janette.
- Was a child model, briefly
- almost not born as doctors wanted mom to abort me due to her physical health and eventhough she opted not to abort, there was a huge chance that her, I , or both of us would not make it through (we both made it)
- first date at age 19
- marched and played in a band along main street in Disneyland
- marched and played in a band that was part of the half time entertainment at a soccer match in Belgium that had such rabid fans that there were fully outfitted riot police everywhere
- met a man through a personal ad, married him, and am still married to him over 10 years later
- danced all night in a big cage that was suspended on the 2nd floor of a nightclub and overlooked the whole club
- the nightclub with the cage was mostly a goth club and I wasn’t goth and didn’t dress goth…..I wore short, white shorts, a white bustier, and tall black boots (an outfit which showed up fabulously under the strobes)…….and had scary, goth chicks glaring at me all night while I danced! (I was never quite sure if they were glaring at me because I was the anti-goth or because I had the best looking guys in the club paying me homage!)
- Have never lost at strip poker or any other strip card game! (strip war…anyone? lol!)
- have always looked way younger than I am….but have been drinking/dancing at bars/clubs since I was 15 and never got carded until I was of legal age (19 in Canada)
- had Dick Van Dyke and Barry Van Dyke come through my check-stand (on separate occasions) when I was a cashier at Safeway
- within a month of getting married, both my husband I were laid off from our jobs
- me, along with a few others, were chased through a small, Dutch town one evening by some crazy Dutch boys (who were in a car – we were on foot) and we had to seek refuge in a church
- watched actual film footage of the aftermath of Hiroshima….while visiting the Hiroshima museum in Hiroshima….at age 12
- I’m not that great at math or counting :p
I've been hearing many of my neighbours and friends going through the issues of broken hearts lately :(
If you are one of those nursing a broken heart.....as you work on moving on, here is a little something for you from Mr. Nicole Kidman:
.....you start internally captioning things in your life, a la ICHC !!!
I was walking by my houseplants, a short while ago, and noticed some were looking a little droopy......and the first thought that came to my mind was:
Oh...
melodrama plant sayz water me!
I seriously need rehab! :p
Yesterday, Nancy posted her favourite fabulous recipe (from Rachael Ray) for Double Chicken Dumpling soup.....and today I made it!!!
OMG! Now I know why Nancy and Dan looooooove this soup! Tres yummers!!!
I had to alter the recipe a titch but I don't think it make a real difference.
I couldn't find ground chicken (I know...I see it all the time but not today!) so I used fresh ground turkey. I also used Romano instead of Parmasan since Romano is made with sheep's milk which is easier for me to digest than cow's milk. (I have issues with cow dairy). And I used brown rice bread crumbs and little rice flour....instead of regular bread crumbs because I wanted to reduce the amount of wheat in the soup as I can't have too much wheat.
And and and.....I went over to Granville Island to the market and got freshly made (today) gnocchi at Duso's. I've never had it this freshly made before...OMG....so soft and melty in your mouth! wow! Fresh is so different from the package gnocchi. I am forevers spoiled and cannot have packaged ever again! LOL! :)
Other than those things, it worked out fab. And other than all the chopping, it didn't take that long to make which was great! And Nancy's tip about more broth is a definite do. I used the max broth and it was still teeming full of dumplings and meatballs.
Thanks, Nancy, for sharing such a great recipe! I think it will become one my favs, too! :)
1. Mood music
2. Let the LOL'ing begin (courtesy of ICHC)
You may now return to your regularly scheduled month week day from hell.